I’ll admit: when the Marvel Cinematic Universe was initially “a thing,” I was on board. For a while at least. Robert Downey Jr. was a good Iron Man, I knew who the Avengers were, and James Gunn had a hit on his hands with Guardians of the Galaxy. You could count on the movies to offer a pretty rollicking good time without having to invest too much mental effort.
Today, the train has left the station. The point where I hit the eject button was when I begrudgingly decided to watch WandaVision, enjoyed the weirdness of the first several episodes, and then suffered through the show as it circled back around to Marvel bloat and progressively emptier (and strangely ho-hum) bombast. The specific death knell, however, was when the show was like, “The neighbor is actually Agatha Harkness!” Agatha Harkness, everyone!
I’m sorry. WHO?
Now, we’re apparently doubling down on Agatha Harkness, and she’s going to have her own show, and I’m really having a hard time trying to care when I’ve been inundated with so many side projects and spin-offs that I can’t even remember a time when I looked forward to any individual release in the MCU. Thankfully, I’m not alone when I say this: The bloom is off the rose.
Oh, right, this is a booze blog. Well, let’s dash over into Hendrick’s Gin. Hendrick’s, thankfully, is still absolutely great. It continues to please, and its flavor profile remains both familiar and inimitable.
So when the Hendrick’s Orbium came out, I decided to give it a try. It was fine, but it was no Hendrick’s classic. And then I rolled the dice again with the Hendrick’s Neptunia, didn’t see a big difference, and I was underwhelmed. Then a friend literally gave me a bottle of the Midsummer Solstice, because it was underwhelming to her and just sitting around on her liquor cabinet. When I showed up again at the liquor store there were two more offshoots of Hendrick’s I’d never heard of.
Oh, boy! Another one!
What irks me is that I’m being gaslit. A lot of these spin-offs are foisted on me with an enticing refrain in the ad copy: “Unmistakably Hendrick’s.” To which I say, “Nuh-uh.” Let’s take the Orbium as a case in point. It’s apparently a stronger version of Hendrick’s with more quinine that apparently makes for a better martini. I had it, and it felt like Hendrick’s trying to go after Tanqueray or Plymouth. If I wanted that, I’d buy Tanqueray or Plymouth.
Unfortunately, the ever-wise David Driscoll, a former spirits buyer for two great merchandisers, notes that this is where the market is going as buyers prioritize rarity and novelty over quality.
Consider this: you or your kid might have got caught up at one time with collecting all 150 Pokémon. Or at least, that was the total number of Pokémon on the original TV show I watched as a teen. Over more than two decades, that original cast of 150 ballooned into 1,025 of the little bastards. One of the reasons I think Pokémon became a cultural phenomenon is that its creators realized that people like to check little boxes along a path to completion. Consumers may not be aware, however, that their path is never-ending—or will be made into one that is never-ending if enough of them threaten to approach the finish line.
This guy, am I right?
Hendrick’s is simply following this same principle. When your consumer has collected all four bottles, move the goalposts. Now I think we’re up to seven or eight different versions, all of which have novel stories and ad copy that are writing checks the inherent flavors can’t cash. Like Marvel movies in general, they’re fine. But they’re rarely great. And I don’t see them ever ending, and I don’t like what that portends.
I will say what I think David stops short of: on the consumer side, we’re a bunch of collective dumbasses who deserve what we’re getting. We should just buy (and re-buy) Hendrick’s. But we don’t, so we get the Agatha Harknesses of gin, over and over, with someone hovering over us to tell us how it’s actually iconic or “on brand” or whatever the hell else. The reality is we’re being given warmed-over imitations of the product that catapulted the distillery to prominence. And that’s on us. We’re voting with our dollars, but we’re an uninformed electorate.
At least with spirits, it’s my position that FOMO doesn’t lead us anywhere worthwhile. I write this website, and there’s shit that’s been around for the better part of 50 years that I still haven’t tried. There’s also so much mediocrity out there that when I find something awesome, you better believe it gets re-purchased. If I’ve given something three stars at any point in the past, I would say there’s a 50/50 chance it’s on my bar shelf currently.
The fact that something is NEW is not necessarily the most salient of purchase criteria for me when it comes to choosing what will make up the content I provide to you guys. Maybe that’s to my detriment, readership-wise, but I’d personally rather create something good than something trendy.
To tie it all together: there’s a reason the MCU was launched with Iron Man, my seven-year old niece agrees that Pikachu is still the cutest of all the Pokémon, and Hendrick’s knocked it out of the park the first time. Avoid the flash and stick with the substance.
